Monday, 17 September 2007

• #1 So, when someone talks about a team/individual having a puncher’s chance, they’re probably thinking of a scenario along the lines of the 1^st Hasim Rahman-Lennox Lewis fight, where Rahman, who was clearly inferior technically to Lewis but had some power, took advantage of the lethargic and poorly trained Lewis, knocking him out in the 5^th round on one flush right hand.  Everything else being equal, Lewis should have at best dominated the fight, winning a decision.  Of course, we all know the rematch ended with Rahman knocked the fuck out and Lewis getting his revenge. 

   

  You’re probably wondering what the ol’ Meathead is babbling about, right?  Nebraska had the proverbial puncher’s chance against USC and got completely obliterated, and the 49-31 final is a disservice to how much of an ass-kicking this was.  In the competitive portion of the game, USC ripped off three TDs in the 3^rd quarter to make it a 42-10 spread, and from there it was just playing out the string.  Last year I was touting LSU as clearly the best team in the nation.  This week, it’s hard to discount a USC team that beat the shit out of a good Nebraska team on the road.  At this point, we may as label them co-#1s until there’s a hiccup by either team, which may be awhile. 

   

  #2 Jeer, jeer for old Ntre Ame,
  They suck, they can’t play the game,
  Send a Bronx cheer on high,
  Shake down the thunder from Charlie’s thighs.
  What though the offense be slim and none
  Old Ntre Ame will maybe score after all,
  While her loyal sons are marching
  Onward to 0-12

   

  #3 Yeah, you can see why I don’t write music, but whatever.  Ntre Ame is an embarrassment right now, to the point that a confirmed NA hater like me even feels a twinge of pity (or I’m having a stroke, perhaps).  Let us review the relevant stats over 3 games:

   

  -         negative-4 yards a game rushing

  -         119.7 yards a game passing

  -         Outscored by an average of 34-4

  -         Leading rusher James Aldridge has 67 yards and a robust 3.9 yards a carry

  -         Leading receiver David Grimes has a grand total of 59 yards

   

  That, my friends, sucks.  I have taken the liberty of drawing up a new schedule for the rest of the year that should get NA into yet another bowl game they do not deserve:

   

  9/22 vs Lenoir-Rhyne

  9/29 at North Shore Community College

  10/6 at Veterans Amputee Home for the Aged

  10/13 vs Fallujah Tech

  10/20 vs NAMBLA

  10/27 vs Helen Keller Institute

  11/4 vs Kansas City Chiefs

  11/11 vs Outer Mongolia School of Fine Cuisine

  11/18 at Sweet Briar All-Girls College

   

  They should be able to squeak 6 wins out of that with some luck.

   

  #4 As much as I (and anyone else with a keyboard) has bashed Michigan, they get their due this week for shoveling more dirt on the grave of the 2007 Flailing Irish.  Man Hart stepped up yet again, and Michigan could have won by 108 instead of 38 had they not eased off the gas early.

   

  #5 Those who discounted Florida’s bid for back-to-back mythical titles are probably backing off of their skepticism this morning after the Gators eviscerated Fat Phil Fulmer and his Vols.  Tennessee is not fielding a vintage Vols squad, but they’re not as bad as the Gators made them look.  Tim Tebow was fantastic, but Percy Harvin stole the highlights with his video game-style spins, jukes, and what-have-you.  Perhaps a cut below USC and LSU at this point, but it’s a paper-cut thin slice below.

   

  #6 Auburn losing to South Florida? An upset, but USF has been doing that as of late.  Mississippi State?  Christ, how the hell do you lose to a team that got smoked by LSU at home 45-0 when LSU didn’t even crack open the playbook, drawing up plays in the dirt on the sideline?  I’m not ready to pull a piece-of-shit move on Tuberville again, but the natives can’t be happy.

   

  #7 Oklahoma looks real good, but pretty much any school that’s not a Catholic institution in South Bend, Indiana can look good against the likes of North Texas, Miami, and Utah State.  Unlike last week’s demolition of Miami, the Sooners eased up in the 2^nd half against the Aggies and did not appear to run it up.  I’d have to rank them on par with Florida right now, 3^rd behind USC-LSU.  However, when they play the iron of the Big 12, we’ll get a better idea of what this Sooner team brings to the table.

   

  #8 Of course, the Oklahoma-Texas game may not be as competitive as you might think, as the ‘Horns are having trouble with the likes of Arkansas State and Central Florida.  Nice gesture by Texas to go to UCF to open their new stadium, rare to see a big power travel to a smaller school like that.  Anyways, Texas’ habit to play like shit the 1^st 2-3 quarters of the game is going to bite them in the ass at some point, and if they play like that against Oklahoma, the scoreline will be much like the three the Sooners have posted so far.

   

  #9 136 yards rushing is good for any freshman.  When it’s accumulated in 5 carries, that’s phenomenal.  Papa Smurf Noel Devine was able to accomplish that feat against a Maryland team that seems to have fallen back into the rut it experienced pre-Ralph Friedgen.  It looks like, a whole 3 games into his college career, that Devine is the next David Meggett, a tremendous 3^rd down back who is also big in the return game.  Then again, Barry Sanders wasn’t exactly a towering dude either, so who knows.

   

  #10 BC is for real.  All I heard was how good Tashard Choice was, Georgia Tech was this, BC wasn’t that.   The result?  A 24-10 win in which the Eagles dominated throughout.  Choice ran for 31 yards, while Matty Ice threw for 435 yards.  There’s no reason that the Eagles shouldn’t be 7-0 heading into a showdown with Virginia Tech.  Although the Hokies will probably be their toughest test, the Clemson game probably decides the devision, with Florida State down yet again.

   

  #11 Speaking of F$U being down, how long can they be down before they’re just another mediocre big-conference program?  I mean, they haven’t sunk to Duke/Vanderbilt/Baylor depths, but are they really better than, say, Oklahoma State or Purdue right now?  Sacrilegious as it is, maybe it’s time to develop an exit strategy for Bobby Bowden.  F$U wants to be one of the elite powers, but they’re not getting elite results, and it could be time for a change,

   

  #12 The kids rapping about Chicken McNuggets need to be skullfucked with a jackhammer.  These douchebags popped up EVERYWHERE while I’m trying to mind my own business watching a football game.  McDonald’s used to have ads like Bird and MJ playing HORSE, shit like that.  Now they give us two YouTube rejects that will be sucking dick in a San Francisco glory hole in 5 years.

   

  #13 (Note: If you’re one of those Bammer dipshits who wears toilet paper and Tide boxes on your head, get someone to read this item to you.)  Arkansas doesn’t have the same “sneak up on you” cachet they had last year, but they still have a good team, and Alabama scored quite the win after blowing the lead late.  However, with LSU looming in the SEC West, they’re still a year or two away from contending for a trip to Atlanta.  Nick Saban really belongs in the college game, and the SEC, for that matter.

   

  #14 UCLA? ICDeadPeople.  How does the #11 team in the country get destroyed by a Utah team that’s had more injuries than Kerry Wood?  UCLA was being looked to as someone who could push USC at the end of the season.  Now?  They’d push USC and all the Trojan would do is kick their nuts up into their throat.  It’s not looking too good for Karl Dorrell at this point.

   

  #15 Minnesota must have fired Glen Mason hoping for these results:

   

  L BGSU 32-31

  W Miami (OH) 41-35

  L Florida Atlantic 42-39

   

  Congrats to the Minnesota Golden Showers, who couldn’t even win the Sun Belt at this point.  At least they can still beta Ntre Ame.

   

  #16 Those who were surprised by Troy’s smashing of Oklahoma State haven’t been playing attention to either team.  Okie State is in Year 54 of a 5 year rebuilding plan, while Troy actually put some points up on Arkansas (26) and Florida (31).  Sure, they gave up 105 combined in those games, but the Trojan offense is very good, led by Omar Haugabook, and the Cowboys are just one of those blah major conference teams.

   

  #17 How does Iowa State go from looking like a used, bloody douche to beating Iowa?  Enough of this Kirk Ferentz-is-a-genius talk.  He’s done a good job with Iowa, taking them to a mediocre major conference team to a good major conference team. Note the use of the term “good” as opposed to “great”.  Iowa’s done enough to get noticed, but always seems to have that one loss that really ruins them every year (like Indiana last year), and they don’t get many of those signature wins.  I’m calling shenanigans on Ferentz until he does something better than a pedestrian 9-3 season.  Losing to a team that lost to Kent State and Northern Iowa doesn’t help the cause.

   

  #18 Lou Holtz sucks.

   

  #19 Should the #7 team in the country be matched point-for-point for as long as The Citadel did with Wisconsin?  Sure, the Badgers didn’t Michigan the game away late or anything, but a 45-31 win over the Bulldogs should be alarming for an elite team.  They need to get that defense straightened out, and pronto.

   

  #20 And the Dukies are off the schneid!  Sure, it’s only Northwestern they beat, but the Wildcats have been OK recently.  Longest losing streak in the nation?  Florida Brawlstarting at 15 in a row.

   

  #21 Yeah, if you’re a 1-A team losing to McNeese State, you deserve to be called UL-Laugh.  And 38-17?  You suck.  We really need to pare 1-A down to about 90-100 teams or so.  Let The Meathead know what you think and he’ll print your suggestions in a future Top 25.

   

  #22 I suppose I could touch on Kentucky’s “upset” of Louisville, but if you read me last week, you know it’s not that big of an upset.  Louisville has the worst defense this side of Ntre Ame, and you would think that, up 2 late, they might be looking for a pass up the field?  Dumbshits.

   

  #23 I can’t believe that the news of a Prairie View A&M loss can be viewed with even an iota of surprise, but the Panthers dropped to 2-1 (yes, 2-1!) with a 12-2 loss to Southern.  Hell, I remember when PVA&M won their 1^st game in 81 tries against Langston, which was front-page news for SportsCenter.  Now they’re losing to go to 2-1.  Baby steps perhaps, but hey, at least they aren’t Ntre Ame.  By the way, if we have a Southern, why don’t we have a Northern?

   

  #24 The Meathead’s Top 10 1-A Teams:

   

     #1 LSU

     #2 USC

     #3 Florida

     #4 Oklahoma

     #5 West Virginia

     #6 Ohio State

     #7 Oregon

     #8 Calfornia

     #9 Texas

     #10 Wisconsin

     #119 Ntre Ame

   

  #25 Looks like the game of the week is #12 South Carolina at #2 LSU.  While the Gamecocks have made leaps and bounds with the Ol’ Ball Coach, #12 seems a bit high, and LSU at home will bring them back to Earth at home, and quickly.  LSU 41, South Carolina 10.

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